How to get people to disagree with you

I am annoying. Like many other founders, I have been described as “outspoken”, “combative” and even “overpowering”. It is not something that I am proud of - but it is certainly not wrong. I thrive in adversity. I love shaping my ideas through debates. And I learn the most from people that disagree with me.

But that’s a problem…

Getting disagreement as a founder is hard. And that’s just as true if you are a team leader, manager or some other person that can affect a co-worker’s career prospects.

Employees often learn through the course of their career that agreement and pandering to their manager’s ego is the best path towards individual success - even though the company at large would have benefitted from their contrarian thoughts and inputs.

Too often, companies hire smart people, but then create a culture that rewards echoing the bosses ideas over contributing their own. Even if there is some kind of “debate” it is often just around the edges of the bosses’ framing, rather than around the fundamental idea itself.

And that’s a shame, because it leaves so much of your best people’s input on the table.

To combat this, it is important to create a culture of candor and positive disagreement. That’s not easy, especially if you’re a founder who’s vision provides the foundation for the company. But over the years, I’ve picked up some techniques that I want to share with you:

Solicit Dissent:

• Don’t always be the one that sets the framing. Describe the problem and let others start with their solutions
• Ask outright “why is this a bad idea?” or “what are the potential downsides of this approach?” Asking this into the room might not be enough. Ask specific people directly or go around the table one by one.
• Encourage candor. Ask people what they really think. If you feel they are still holding back, push very gently. Once you hear “well, I think the whole thing is stupid” - that’s when you are on the right track.

Make it safe to disagree:

• Listen actively. Don’t get defensive. Focus on the idea, not the person. Repeat the idea back in your own words to ensure you’ve understood it well.
• Be mindful of nonverbal cues. Maintain eye contact, use open body language, and avoid interrupting.
• Use positive language. Use phrases like “That’s an interesting point about X,” instead of “You’re wrong about Y.”
• Concede partial points. Say - “you’re certainly right about X, but I’m not sure about Y”
• Show your own vulnerability by acknowledging when you’re unsure or when you make a mistake.
• Praise dissenters: If someone voices dissent - and they do so in a constructive manner - praise them, publicly - let people see that their input is appreciated and will be implemented, even over your own ideas.
• Reward ideas - even if you don’t implement them.
• Encourage discussion within the team. Make sure it’s not just you vs them - but a network of respectful debate.
• Don’t allow debate killers. In questions of technology, marketing or project direction there is no “lived experience” or “my truth”. And, as long as debate stays on the subject rather than on the people, no one gets to be offended.

If conflict arises, manage it constructively and positively

• Create outlines for positive debate. “What is it that worries you about solution X?”, “How would you specify the risk?”
• Switch roles. Let both sides defend the other’s point of view for a while.
• Hold brainstorming sessions where all ideas are welcome, even seemingly outlandish ones. This can help people feel comfortable voicing unconventional thoughts.
• Consider anonymous feedback mechanisms. This can be a good option for more introverted team members or those who might feel intimidated speaking up directly.

Enshrine it in culture

• Create a culture around debate. Whenever debatable issues arise, make sure people debate them openly and candidly. Ensure that this is seen as a sign of a healthy culture rather than a conflict.
• Celebrate past instances where disagreement led to a better outcome. This reinforces the value of diverse perspectives.

These steps have helped me in the past - but they are no panacea. If corporate politics and group level allegiances are deeply ingrained in your culture, it will be a long route to a more open environment. But I am convinced that the benefits of being able to tap into the full insight of your staff will make it more than worth it.